For a sweet friend...

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Their Father's Eyes

I used to sing a song with my Mom called Father's Eyes by Amy Grant. Since Jack was little I've sung the chorus to that song to him, and now to Cal, while praying it's words over them.

He's got his Father's eyes, his father's eyes...

Eyes that find the good in things

When good is not around

Eyes that find a source of help

When help cannot be found

Eyes full compassion

Seeing every pain

Knowing what you're going through

And feeling it the same.

Just like his Father's eyes

Tonight Jack asked me to rock him in Calvin's room. Calvin was already asleep so I said we had to be super quite. We snuck in and he curled up and I sang quietly and prayed for my boys while he fell asleep in my arms. He doesn't do that much anymore! It was such a blessed moment in that quite room with my two sleeping babies.

It was nice to know Aaron was in the other room listening. It won't be too long before his presence will be missing in this scenario. I know a few things to be sure right now in a time in my life when uncertainty seems to be looming in the shadow of Aaron's upcoming deployment.

1. I am blessed beyond measure with two strong, smart boys that are more resilient than I can fully imagine.

2. I have a husband who has his Father's eyes and has passed them on to his boys! I see him in their eyes every day.

3. God has given me peace that we will overcome this year.

If you Give a Mom a Cup of Coffee...

Upon reading to Jackson today, I realized that my life is much like the beloved children's book "If you Give a Pig a Pancake."

If you give a Mom a cup of coffee, she'll feel the urge to sit down and enjoy it while gazing out the window.

When she looks out the widow she'll see the

fish tank and notice how dirty it is.

When she goes to wash the tank, she'll not be able to because the sink is full of dirty dishes. So, she'll decide to load the dishwasher.

As she opens the dishwasher she'll realize that it's full of clean dishes and she'll need to unload it.

While unloading the dishwasher she'll see the cutting board and remember that she needs to prep dinner.

She'll get out the cutting board and chop up the veggies for dinner and reach for a cup towel, only to find that the cup towel drawer is empty.

When she goes to the laundry room to start a load of laundry and wash the towels she'll be reminded of how dirty the baby's highchair cover is and go to take it off and add it to the load.

While taking of the cover she'll notice how dirty the baby got while eating lunch.

She'll give the baby a bath and in the process become soaked.

When she goes to change her clothes she'll check her pockets and find her lost grocery list and realize that she forgot to buy milk at the store.

After loading the kids in the car and driving to the store she'll return home and go to put the milk away and see the coffee creamer in the fridge.

And if she sees the coffee creamer it's likely that she'll...

... remember that her full cup of coffee is still sitting by the window from earlier!!

See, you thought I was going to say 'pour herself a cup of coffee and sit down to look out the window', didn't you? But you'd be WRONG! She learned her lesson from earlier... never sit down!! You'll remember that you need to clean the stinkin' fish tank!!

Half Crazed, PJ Wearing, Spit Up Covered, Mother of Boys

I think I pretty much just had the longest hour and a half in my life… You would think with time all stretched out like that I’d have been able to accomplish more, but instead I’ve been able to clean spilled oatmeal out of the microwave, brush my hair, put it in a ponytail, put on a bra… I have not been able to get out of my pjs, however. I’ve also been followed around by a screaming baby and made Jack two breakfasts. I’m sure a third is in our near future. This kid eats like a horse in the mornings.

It was one of those ‘put the baby in the crib and let him yell a while before you throw him across the room’ mornings… after half a cup of coffee and loading the dishwasher (giving me a small sense of accomplishment) I was able to go back in a remind us both that I love him more than life itself, but it took some work getting there this morning. I even sang “It’s Amazing What Praising Can Do” this morning in an attempt to lift my mood. BUT the only song that came to mind, despite what the song says about Jesus filling your heart with a song, was a song my dad used to sing to us as kids… It’s called “Egg Sucking Dog” and this is what I hummed to Calvin before I put him in his crib to scream! Not feeling like the best mom this morning.

I was half thrilled when Aaron came home from his 5k race on base at 8:00… half because he got to get out of the house and I was admittedly jealous, but thrilled because a little relief was in sight, which allowed me to sit down and write this. I can’t imagine mornings like this when he’s gone for 6 mos. It’s coming down the pike and I’m nervous. Praying for lots of grace!

Some days are harder than others, but I do believe that God’s grace is sufficient for even me… a half crazed, pj wearing, spit up covered, mother of boys.

I Asked For This?!?!

Yes, I did!! I asked for this. I longed for this. In fact, for so long I begged for this!

Sleepless nights, trips to the pediatrician and ER, Nick Jr and Sprout and the Disney Channel out the wazoo, lack of showers, dark circles under my eyes, spit up, snot smears on my shoulder... and thigh, scrapped knees, tantrums, a pantry full of cheese crackers, Cheetos stains on my furniture, quadruple the laundry...

Well I may not have put it in these exact words when I was on my knees pleading with God for the child we thought we may never have, but all these things are part of the package. And today I choose to praise God for them. Because without them I wouldn't have...

... giggles, little feet to kiss, funny Jackisms to share with those I love, the best photo subjects in the world, someone that looks like me and Aaron, sincere "I love yous" from little hearts, someone to tell they are special every single day, the chance to watch an imagination grow up close, hands to hold, the greatest two accomplishments of my life time.

Blue In The "Mouth" ??? - A Jackson Tale...

Jackson... ran to me this morning gagging on his breakfast. Terrified I began to have him spit out what was in his mouth and hit him on the back. Then I looked at his face and his lips and chin were BLUE! Freaking out... once he got up the way big too bite in his mouth I said, "Are you ok?"... "Yes Mommy."... "Did you color your face?"... "No Mommy." I took a deep breath and he ran out of the room care free... then casually turned to me and matter of factly said. "I colored my tongue!" Then trotted off...

Not a good combo!! Let's not color our tongues blue with marker and then stuff our mouths with too much food and run to Mommy because we don't know where to spit it! The marker wiped right off. He's fine.

Wonder

'Wonder is that possession of the mind that enchants the emotions while never surrendering reason. It is the grasp on reality that does not need constant high points in order to be maintained, nor is it made vulnerable by the low points of life's struggle. It see's in the ordinary the extraordinary, and it finds in the extraordinary the reaffirmations for what it already knows. Wonder clasps the soul (the spiritual) and is felt in the body (the material). Wonder interprets life through the eyes of eternity while enjoying the moment, but never lets the momentary vision exhaust the eternal. Wonder makes life's enchantments real and knows when and where enchantment must lie. Wonder knows that while you cannot look at the light you cannot look at anything else without it. It is not exhausted by childhood but finds it key there. It is a journey like a walk through the woods, over the usual obstacles and around the common distractions, while the voice of direction leads saying, "This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21 kjv). It is not at all surprising that if the seventy usages of the word wonder in the Old Testament, nearly half of them are by David, the sweet singer of Israel. Wonder and music go hand in hand. Wonder cannot help but sing. Even nature recognizes that.' - Ravi Zacharias, Recapturing the Wonder

I woke up early this morning... before Jackson. Most days this would be an extraordinary feat of brilliance and insight. A chance to face the world with a cup of coffee and no two year old asking to "watch a mooonie?" (aka "a movie"). However, lately sleep has been a precious commodity. Be it the uncomfortable stretching of pregnancy ligaments, the absence of a partner in my bed, the stress of moving to a new and somewhat scary (because of the unknown) stage of life, my sleep patterns have been amiss. I try to enjoy every ounce of it I can manage to scrounge up.

This morning I was frustrated by my mind that would not shut off once it turned on at 5:45. 'Calls and conversations that must be made today playing out in my head, to do lists growing, timelines looming, undesired chores suspended in the air... I got up... fed the dog... heard the birds and felt the wind, and everything vanished.

With a cup of coffee I sat down with a book that I bought to send to Aaron, but started reading instead... providence I now see. When Aaron and I were in college and working with the youth in Claude, TX we would drive and hour and a half every Sunday morning for church and listen to Ravi Zacharias teach in his wisdom on the radio... he made those early mornings bearable as well. Pushing to fully understand his words through his accent likely kept two young college students awake on mornings that likely followed late Saturday nights and his words themselves engaged our minds and pushed us on to contemplate ideas like the one that he wrote about above. He's been a favorite author and speaker since for us both.

It's been a long time since I read a book that makes me think. That's what Ravi does. I figured with brain juices starting to be sucked up by the baby, the more I can muster the desire to push those brain cells to function the better. With Jackson, Aaron used to bring me home crossword puzzles to help my baby brain function more to pace. Ravi has done a good job keeping me thinking this time so far. We'll have to pull out a few more of his writings when this one is completed.

When Aaron flew off to Alabama for COT the first morning without him if I recall started similar, but instead of a book in hand I just sat on the back porch and listened. I kept humming a song that I was surprised that I knew the words too. It's amazing how songs are ingrained in my head. I give a lot of credit to my parents and grandparents for this. It's hard to remember times from my childhood that someone wasn't singing. Whether it be crazy made up songs that kept me laughing, or soothing songs that healed wounds, or praise songs that pushed me to know God more... there was always a song. The one that came back to me this time was a hymn. I was thinking about how blessed I was to have Jackson that morning and that through Aaron's absensece Jack would "keep me singing." Because of Jackson's love for music the concept of sining popped into my head that day. (not that he would keep me laughing, or keep me smiling, or keep me busy... which he does!) And there was that song...

1. There’s within my heart a melody
   Jesus whispers sweet and low,
   Fear not, I am with thee, peace, be still,
   In all of life’s ebb and flow.
   • Refrain:
     Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
     Sweetest Name I know,
     Fills my every longing,
     Keeps me singing as I go.
2. All my life was wrecked by sin and strife,
   Discord filled my heart with pain,
   Jesus swept across the broken strings,
   Stirred the slumb’ring chords again.
3. Feasting on the riches of His grace,
   Resting ’neath His shelt’ring wing,
   Always looking on His smiling face,
   That is why I shout and sing.
4. Though sometimes He leads through waters deep,
   Trials fall across the way,
   Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep,
   See His footprints all the way.
5. Soon He’s coming back to welcome me,
   Far beyond the starry sky;
   I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown,
   I shall reign with Him on high.
6. It wasn't Jackson that would keep me sining... It was Jesus. And though some of these days have been tough to say the least, he has. Wonder, Songs, Family, Promise, Hope... these things have sustained me. All precious gifts from God.
7. This morning my wonder has been sparked by:

The assurance for me that far far away Aaron has found men that love their families and their God and much as he does and has friends to pray with.

The sweet new life growing in me that has been "fearfully and wonderfully made" and will fit perfectly into our lives even though I can't fully imagine him here.

Jackson knowing the tunes and almost all words to the songs I sing him nightly and has started singing with me in the rocking chair before bed time. (he'll know those songs forever too)

Knowing that in the two weeks that we remain apart God will keep me close to Aaron and sustain me and keep me singing...