'Wonder is that possession of the mind that enchants the emotions while never surrendering reason. It is the grasp on reality that does not need constant high points in order to be maintained, nor is it made vulnerable by the low points of life's struggle. It see's in the ordinary the extraordinary, and it finds in the extraordinary the reaffirmations for what it already knows. Wonder clasps the soul (the spiritual) and is felt in the body (the material). Wonder interprets life through the eyes of eternity while enjoying the moment, but never lets the momentary vision exhaust the eternal. Wonder makes life's enchantments real and knows when and where enchantment must lie. Wonder knows that while you cannot look at the light you cannot look at anything else without it. It is not exhausted by childhood but finds it key there. It is a journey like a walk through the woods, over the usual obstacles and around the common distractions, while the voice of direction leads saying, "This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21 kjv). It is not at all surprising that if the seventy usages of the word wonder in the Old Testament, nearly half of them are by David, the sweet singer of Israel. Wonder and music go hand in hand. Wonder cannot help but sing. Even nature recognizes that.' - Ravi Zacharias, Recapturing the Wonder
I woke up early this morning... before Jackson. Most days this would be an extraordinary feat of brilliance and insight. A chance to face the world with a cup of coffee and no two year old asking to "watch a mooonie?" (aka "a movie"). However, lately sleep has been a precious commodity. Be it the uncomfortable stretching of pregnancy ligaments, the absence of a partner in my bed, the stress of moving to a new and somewhat scary (because of the unknown) stage of life, my sleep patterns have been amiss. I try to enjoy every ounce of it I can manage to scrounge up.
This morning I was frustrated by my mind that would not shut off once it turned on at 5:45. 'Calls and conversations that must be made today playing out in my head, to do lists growing, timelines looming, undesired chores suspended in the air... I got up... fed the dog... heard the birds and felt the wind, and everything vanished.
With a cup of coffee I sat down with a book that I bought to send to Aaron, but started reading instead... providence I now see. When Aaron and I were in college and working with the youth in Claude, TX we would drive and hour and a half every Sunday morning for church and listen to Ravi Zacharias teach in his wisdom on the radio... he made those early mornings bearable as well. Pushing to fully understand his words through his accent likely kept two young college students awake on mornings that likely followed late Saturday nights and his words themselves engaged our minds and pushed us on to contemplate ideas like the one that he wrote about above. He's been a favorite author and speaker since for us both.
It's been a long time since I read a book that makes me think. That's what Ravi does. I figured with brain juices starting to be sucked up by the baby, the more I can muster the desire to push those brain cells to function the better. With Jackson, Aaron used to bring me home crossword puzzles to help my baby brain function more to pace. Ravi has done a good job keeping me thinking this time so far. We'll have to pull out a few more of his writings when this one is completed.
When Aaron flew off to Alabama for COT the first morning without him if I recall started similar, but instead of a book in hand I just sat on the back porch and listened. I kept humming a song that I was surprised that I knew the words too. It's amazing how songs are ingrained in my head. I give a lot of credit to my parents and grandparents for this. It's hard to remember times from my childhood that someone wasn't singing. Whether it be crazy made up songs that kept me laughing, or soothing songs that healed wounds, or praise songs that pushed me to know God more... there was always a song. The one that came back to me this time was a hymn. I was thinking about how blessed I was to have Jackson that morning and that through Aaron's absensece Jack would "keep me singing." Because of Jackson's love for music the concept of sining popped into my head that day. (not that he would keep me laughing, or keep me smiling, or keep me busy... which he does!) And there was that song...
The assurance for me that far far away Aaron has found men that love their families and their God and much as he does and has friends to pray with.
The sweet new life growing in me that has been "fearfully and wonderfully made" and will fit perfectly into our lives even though I can't fully imagine him here.
Jackson knowing the tunes and almost all words to the songs I sing him nightly and has started singing with me in the rocking chair before bed time. (he'll know those songs forever too)
Knowing that in the two weeks that we remain apart God will keep me close to Aaron and sustain me and keep me singing...