Castles with Ladders, Dragons and Ogres...

Oh, if my biggest anxieties were castles with ladders, dragons, and ogres! Here's the news for those that haven't heard!! The Thorne's are heading to Germany! 

We've only know for a few days, but I have to say my favorite part so far has been watching Calvin, our three year old, have a conversation with our Wing Chaplain, Lt Col Michael Rash about castles. We had already told the boys that there would be castles to see in Germany. Apparently Calvin's little wheels had been turning, because this time when it was mentioned by Chaplain Rash, who has been there and seen these magnificent stone wonders for himself, Calvin blurted out, "But did you see the Dragons?!" His sweet little face was contorted with seriousness and worry. 

Their conversation continued for about 15 min about how do you get into the castles, "with ladders?" and "what about the ogres?" onto "there are brave knights with swords to slay them." They talked about the castles being on hills and many of them have rivers close by. Some of them you can sleep in overnight and they feed you breakfast in the morning! Chaplain Rash had been there a lot and never seen a dragon nor an ogre, and a few Chaplain Assistants that had also spent some time in Germany were called in to confirm, that they too had never faced a dragon. 

I sat listening, trying not to giggle, and so very thankful for the seriousness that went into silencing the little dragon of fear that was beginning to roar inside my little guy.

I'm beginning to wonder if that might be how God is looking at me right now! Pretty sure my face has matched Calvin's "contorted with seriousness and worry" for the last 30 hours or so since Aaron called and gave me the news of his assignment to Spangdahlem AFB. 

Of course I'm excited! What an opportunity, but my mind is rushing at light speed with all that has to be done and all that we'll leave behind. I can feel that dragon inside me rearing it's ferocious head! I remember when Jack was little and afraid of dinosaurs at night. I assured him that God is big and brave and that his angels were warriors on his side. Just like Knights! (this is a picture of how he used to sleep after he fell in love with the brave angels!)

So, once again, (not that I'm surprised at all) I learn valuable lessons from my children. Anxiety and fear will be battled here and hopefully slayed! Our adventure and quest ensues as we enter this new unknown for the Kingdom of God! 

2 Timothy 1:7

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 

Why my brain needs a nap!

If anyone ever speaks with me after 6pm or so...maybe even earlier and wonders why my brain seems fried, let me provide you with a SMALL sample of the "Mommy, ...?" that I have heard this morning.

Mommy, can you die again once you are in heaven?
Mommy, how did the dinosaurs die?
Mommy, are their still Woolly Mammoths? 
Mommy, how many Woolly Mammoth tusks do you think archaeologists have found?
Mommy, when God flooded the earth did he flood heaven too?
Mommy, did they really send monkeys into space?
Mommy, how did monkeys fly the space ships?
Mommy, when I grow up should I be an inventor, a scientist, or a movie star?
Mommy, if God is in heaven and God is in your heart, is heaven in your heart?
Mommy, can hell be in your heart too?
Mommy, what's the best way to catch flies?
Mommy, who made the first airplane?
Mommy, did the first airplane that was made fly?
Mommy, how many airplanes did they have to make before one flew? I think it was 15.
Mommy, I just want to know a little more about you. What's your favorite candy? What's your least favorite candy?

And my favorite of the day!! --- Mommy, did cavemen wear underwear? 

And if you would like to know why I am physically exhausted at the end of the day, I'll introduce you to this little brother!



Side Note: Most of these happened in one 15min car ride this morning. I love that he's a seeker. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I wasn't so worn out to even try to answer him sometimes. I hope he never stops asking questions though.

Another Side Note: He really does say "mommy" before each question... even if I just answered one. If I hear "Mommy? pause (for a deep breath usually), I know the rapid fire is about to start.

Even If You Think It's Not Important

Aaron went to Wal-Mart for me real quick earlier this evening to grab a few ingredients for our dinner. I was feeling frustrated with my 'wild things' (aka Jack and Cal) by the time he got back and when I started unpacking the bags he'd brought in I started feeling more irritated. He had purchased a few more things than I had asked for which made my job harder. It wasn't much, but for some reason it set me off. I started feeling sorry for myself and taking my frustration out on him. It wasn't fair. (At the time I was saying that to myself in my head, but really it wasn't fair for him.)

I was still moping as dinner was being brought to the table, extra ingredients and all, and I rudely asked him why he had bought a can of spaghetti sauce. We were having grilled cheese and tomato soup. He said he hadn't and when I insisted he had, a disgusted look came over his face. "You have got to be kidding! That idiot checker." I was confused. Then he tells me this story.

While checking out he noticed everything that the elderly lady in front of him was purchasing. One can of spaghetti sauce, a box of noodles, a single bell pepper, and one roll of toilet paper. It couldn't have been more than a $4 purchase. As she was leaving and grabbing her bags she asked the young (uncaring) woman behind the register if it was just one bag and was told yes in reply, without even a glance from the attendant. Well obviously it was more than one bag, because we ended up with the little ladies dinner. 

I am seriously heart broken! My guess is she was spending all she had to cook this meal. I might not think that if it weren't for the one roll of toilet paper. Not one package mind you, one roll. Can you imagine having to choose between buying toilet paper and a meal? I so wish I knew who she was. I wish I had a way to find her and hug her and buy her a gift card full of her favorite meals and triple ply toilet paper. I hate that her can of sauce is sitting on my kitchen cabinet. Looking at it fills my heart with angst. 

But I'm leaving it there. Not in the pantry where I can't see it. On the counter, front and present. I'm leaving it there for two reasons. One, so that I can pray for her. So that when I look at it I am reminded of her specifically and others like her who save for just one meal. It will sit there so that everyday I am more thankful for all I have and remember to share and care for others much much more. But I'm also leaving it there for a second reason. 

The Bible tells us in Colossians 3 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord" The checker that was working in Wal-Mart tonight was obviously not following this command. She did not take pride in her job. She did not take the small amount of time necessary to make sure that others were being cared for. But God does not tell us to work with all our hearts as long as our jobs are not tedious, or monotonous, or boring. He doesn't give us a free pass on days that the boss is extra hard to get along with or when technology doesn't want to cooperate. And he also doesn't let you off the hook when your little hooligans are tearing your house to pieces being super heroes, or beating each other up with video game remotes, or spilling orange soda on your rug, or your big hooligan is buying bacon for his grilled cheese sandwiches and you have to wash all the dishes in the sink so you can clean the only pan you have to cook bacon in, making your super quick and easy dinner idea a much more toilsome endeavor. 

Colossians also says, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

So, even if you think what you do is not important and therefore, the spirit in which you do it in doesn't matter, think again. It matters.  It matters to the students in your care watching your every reaction. It matters to the boss who is trying to hold it all together by a thread. It matters to the man who is late to work because he got a nail in his tire and is about ready blow a gasket at the next bad thing that happens to him. It matters to the person waiting on the check you are cutting. It matters to the mom that needs just an hour to breath as she gets her nails done. It matters to the husband or wife who loves you and wants to see you smile. It matters to the little lady with just noodles and green bell pepper to eat for dinner. It matters to the wild things growing in mind and spirit next to you.  It matters to me. And mostly, it matters to God. 

Hope and a Diaper Free Future!?

We’ve been trying to get Calvin to use the potty for a long time now! I often think back and remember how hard I thought Jack was and then praise God he came along first, because I may not have him if his stubborn little toot of a brother had been our first child! I think we would have probably stopped with one. He’s hard, I tell ya! I love him with every ounce of my being and there are a lot of times I just look at him a ogle over how adorable he is, and then tell him quite often it’s lucky he is so darn cute. My dad loves to rib me about being a stubborn child, but after spending 4 days with us this Spring in a vacation home, he apologized for thinking I was so hard headed. He told me I had nothing on Cal! One of Aaron’s coworkers told us we gave our children too strong of names. I’m thinking of changing Calvin’s name to Ernie.

Anyway, all that to say... we’ve been trying to get Cal to go #2 in the potty for a long time. I kept getting the, “oh, don’t rush him...” “he’ll get it when he’s ready...” “as long as he’s potty trained by the time he goes to school...” comments from friends and family. Here’s my responses...

One, you don’t have to change his massive poop filled diapers. This kid is not only built like a linebacker, he creates bm’s like one too. Also, all I can really count on him to eat in any given day is fruit, which makes for a wonderful smelling concoction of mush. Sorry TMI?

Two, He Gets It!! His stubbornness is just his driving motivator in all aspects of life. Including this one! He knows I make him sit on the potty. I watch him like a hawk for the illusive poop face. Hunting the poop face is kinda like hunting for Bigfoot. Everyone really wants to find one, but are afraid of the fallout when someone finally does. He will wait for days until he is with another adult, like in the chapel nursery, or alone with daddy and then mess his skivies numerous times. There’s the day we were in the Wal-Mart bathroom on the changing table (that he hangs off of) and I said, “This really has to stop, Calvin. I’m really tired of wiping your bobo.” and he responded with his hands behind his head, “I no go poo poo in the potty. I like lay down up here.” OR in the Target bathroom when he kicked the trash can off the wall. He was mad that I made him sit on the toilet, because I caught him the act. These are moments, I realize through the snarky look on his face, that he “gets” it and he also “gets” how to drive me INSANE! These are just a few examples of his desire to control the situation (and me). After that Target debacle I took the pacifier (aka “Z”) away from him until he decided to poop in the potty (I was a little flabbergasted). It had been three days since he’d had last gone! We spent a lot of time on the potty that evening and then TWO HOURS of fit throwing, intense screaming, spitting, flailing, kicking, and much more before he fell asleep with no Z (don't worry. It was him, not me, throwing the fit). I decided that either way, mommy would win. He’d either poop in the pot or we’d break him of the Z (which was another contention on the stubborn front). He didn’t want to use the potty so bad, the next day he told us he didn’t need the Z anymore and pooped in his pull up at bedtime. I won... right?

And three, we homeschool.

So, after encouraging, and bribing, and dancing ridiculously, and arguing, and watching hours of Ipad while his little legs fell asleep, and setting a good example, and tears, and a mommy with much less hair from all the pulling out I’ve done … it’s been tiring.

But here’s my point. Yes, I have one. And funnily it has nothing to do with potty training.

I had a rough day today. A tired, feeling worthless kind of day. This day had very little going for it.  A mommy needs a drink kinda day. And then God said, “I love you. Chin up. You are doing good.” in the form of a swollen belly, pooped filled, three year old that rushed past me reciting, “It’s coming. It’s coming. It’s coming.” dropping the little elmo skivies in the hallway, climbing on the potty all by himself, relaxing, then squishing up his adorable face and letting go!

It’s funny how God saves certain moments for the days we think we can’t take any more and reminds us how much He loves us. I needed it more today than any of those other days I thought I needed him to use the potty. It gives a whole new take on Jeremiah 29:11 for me... Yes, yes I know that was written for a different time and place, for a different people, in a totally different set of circumstances, but today it’s nice to know that He also knows the plans he has for me! Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and diaper free future. His plan is to give me what I need as I need it. His timing is better than mine. Did God know about this day when He gave Jeremiah that Scripture? Did He mean for it to give encouragement to this worn out, frazzled mom? I don’t know, but I’m feeling kinda blessed right now. Who’d a thunk poop could make me see this day in a whole new way and get me to stop my moping and my selfish grunting (no pun intended...well, maybe now that I caught it it's intended) and on to praising God instead!

Forever Friends... vol.2

A LONG while ago I had decided to post some blog entries about special people that God has placed in our lives that just get stuck there and won't, can't and aren't allowed to leave. I call them forever friends. They are the ones that you'll grow old with even miles away, the ones that have seen you at your worst and will love you anyway, the ones that are as much soul mates as your spouse.

Aaron and I have been blessed to have these soul friends planted in our lives a few times. I'm not great at putting myself out there and "making" friends. Forever friends are usually the ones that aren't "made," so much as just "are."

Coming into the military I wasn't sure what my life would be like. I have a few examples in my life of Godly military spouses that I highly respect. They gave me a broad perspective, but I could never have imagined what this world was like under the microscope. What a crazy organism it is indeed!

I was clueless as to what I really needed when I got here. I had imagined that determination and endurance would play a role. I speculated that dedication and sacrifice would come in handy. I was pretty sure that I'd rely on my family in a whole new way and that children would mean more to me than I knew they ever did. I was prepared to make sure that my relationship with Christ was on target, because life would be different.

There was one thing that I never guessed I'd need in the capacity in which it was thrust upon me though. Friendship.

Not only have my friendships in the past two and a half years played an important role in my life. They have truly sustained me through my trials. But one in particular has done even more than that. One in particular has changed who I am. I'm so glad that God knows what we need when we don't.

Ronnie, Alisha and Hailey Goll are gifts beyond what Aaron and I deserve. Not only did I get a best friend that sharpens me, holds me accountable, loves and accepts me, but so did Aaron! And so did my boys! Our whole families just fit like puzzle pieces from the beginning. I praise God for these servant hearts, for our laughter, for all the things that make us us! 

This stage of military life is one that I don't think I'll ever get used to. I'm not sure though, that it will ever be this hard again to say goodbye. I'm praying that lightening decides to strike us both again, because friends like this can be hard to come by. Although if you find another me, Alisha, I'll be a little jealous!

Girl, you are simply amazing! I love you so much and don't know how to live without you close. I'm excited to grow with you apart/together. New phases of life should be exciting. So I'm doing my best to "Smile because it happened!" (Dr. Seuss) The rest of that quote says not to cry because it's over... and I can't, because it's not over. Although, I have to admit that I am crying a little, but not because it's all over, just because it's morphing and I'm not sure what "next" looks like.

So here's to burger burns, fake mustaches, real mustaches (not on Alisha or myself!), hot cocoa, a few glasses of wine, playing catch, side by side skype calls with our guys, shopping, trading kids for sanity's sake, long car trips, love for all things Texas, pictures in the snow, scary dinosaurs, buying my sons loud whistles, birthday parties, Peter Hook and Tink, meeting at the Y, drop in lunches and coffee just cuz, long talks, a few tears, that's what she said, pac meetings, Bible studies, soup, desserts... lots and lots of desserts, fireworks, trampolines, shooting ranges, friendship, tomorrows!

Praying blessings for your journey, my friends! We love you guys so much.

For a sweet friend...

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Their Father's Eyes

I used to sing a song with my Mom called Father's Eyes by Amy Grant. Since Jack was little I've sung the chorus to that song to him, and now to Cal, while praying it's words over them.

He's got his Father's eyes, his father's eyes...

Eyes that find the good in things

When good is not around

Eyes that find a source of help

When help cannot be found

Eyes full compassion

Seeing every pain

Knowing what you're going through

And feeling it the same.

Just like his Father's eyes

Tonight Jack asked me to rock him in Calvin's room. Calvin was already asleep so I said we had to be super quite. We snuck in and he curled up and I sang quietly and prayed for my boys while he fell asleep in my arms. He doesn't do that much anymore! It was such a blessed moment in that quite room with my two sleeping babies.

It was nice to know Aaron was in the other room listening. It won't be too long before his presence will be missing in this scenario. I know a few things to be sure right now in a time in my life when uncertainty seems to be looming in the shadow of Aaron's upcoming deployment.

1. I am blessed beyond measure with two strong, smart boys that are more resilient than I can fully imagine.

2. I have a husband who has his Father's eyes and has passed them on to his boys! I see him in their eyes every day.

3. God has given me peace that we will overcome this year.